How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
