my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
