just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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