Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
