If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
love makes seman taste better
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
bring money and cleavage
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
