So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She said her name was "party"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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