Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
