But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
