I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
