remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Nicole vs. Life
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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