still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
