i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
