You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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