theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
as a side note pls kill me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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