i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
