OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That was an excessively violent trivia night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
