I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
