He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
