i was rollin on her like bob the builder
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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