3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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