Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
