i permit you to call me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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