Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
