he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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