I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
