Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
