There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
