Already got asked if we're dating
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
