I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
