Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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