I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
