I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
