dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
