There was a lot of him and a little penis
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
