I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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