TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
