I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
