her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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