Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
