The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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