people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let's get the cat blown out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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