OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I bet he comes in French.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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