Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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