smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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