that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
