I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
