No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
