I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
