My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
