He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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