When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
