Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Its about making memories worth repressing
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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